 This post is for the partners. It's not unusual in pregnancy, for partners to feel somewhat disconnected to the pregnancy and the process. You're feeling changes happening in your body but your partner isn't. This is often especially true in the first two trimesters. Many partners at this point occupy themselves with more of the practical concerns of pregnancy. How will we be able to afford a baby? Is our home big enough etc.
Here are some things to think about as the non-pregnant partner.
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 Have you started to think about maternity clothes yet? Likely your bump isn't very noticeable yet but you may be finding that your jeans no longer fit. It's time put some thought into what you're going to wear for he rest of your pregnancy.
Many pregnant people can't wait to get rid of their maternity clothes at the end of pregnancy, so you may not need to spend much or any money at all. Try asking in your local neighborhood groups or Buy Nothing group to see if anyone is done with their maternity clothes and looking to pass them along. When investing in some pieces, consider some capsule items that you can mix and match to make several different outfits. You're going to be wearing these for several months so having a variety of options to choose from is helpful. Consider what you may already own that could double as maternity clothes. Do you have any baggy shirts or sweaters that can accommodate a growing bump? Pair them with some maternity leggings or pants and you've got a few outfits sorted already. Buy some maternity underwear. There is nothing worse than underpants that are too tight! You might also need to go up a size with your bra or buy a bra extender if your bra no longer fits. Getting a professional fitting for a nursing bra can be helpful, but know that your breasts will likely grow again once your milk comes in, so you may need more in the future. Do you need some more dressy items for work or events but don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes you're not going to wear for long? If so, you might consider a monthly maternity clothes rental company such as Rent the Runway or La Belle Bump. (I have no affiliation with either company btw). Select clothes that you can also wear postpartum, as your body will take a while to return to it's pre-pregnancy shape. Many maternity items are designed with nursing features, offering you more bang for your buck. Wishing you comfort and joy in every stitch of your maternity wardrobe!  Are you starting to think about your birth? Believe it or not, even this early in your pregnancy, it's time to start preparing for that day. You'll need to sign up for birth classes if you haven't already, and it's time to think about what support you'll want in the birth room. You'll likely have your partner with you, and today I'd like to introduce you to a valuable member of your birth team; a birth doula.
Understanding birth doulas A birth doula is a trained non-medial professional who offers continuous physical, emotional and informational support to birthing people and their partners before, during and after birth. Their goal is to help you achieve the healthiest, most satisfying experience possible, however that looks for you. Doulas use a tool bag of pain-relief techniques including breathing stratergies, relaxation techniques, positions etc. They also offer support and advice on what to expect at each stage of the delivery, helping to demystify the process for both you and your partner and relieve anxieties. They are not just for unmedicated labors. A doula can be very useful during an epidural birth and even during a planned cesarean. The presence of a doula can empower you and your partner to make informed decisions, help you to talk with your medical provider and nurses, and contribute to a positive birth experience. Whether it's massaging you, providing words of encouragement, or simply being a calming presence, a doula can offer a level of support that complements the medical care you receive, making your birth journey as smooth and fulfilling as possible. Why consider a doula? Research shows that having a doula as a member of your birth team decreases the overall cesarean rate, reduces the use of pain medication and other interventions, decreases the length of labor and increases the birthing person's satisfaction with their birth. Doulas and partners Your doula is in no way a replacement for your partner. Instead think of them as an enhancement. Part of their job is to help your partner be as involved in supporting you as they want to be. For some couples, both the doula and the partner are providing physical and emotional support and for others, the partner is doing most of it, with suggestions from the doula in how best to do that. Think of it this way; your partner knows you. They know what makes you tick. The doula knows birth. Together they make an amazing team. Finding the right fit Choosing a doula is a very personal decision. Many doulas will have similar training, experience and have attended the same continuing education. Most offer a free meet and greet where you get the chance to find out what they offer and whether they share your particular philosophy towards birth. You will know which doula is the right fit for your family when you meet them, I promise you. How to find a doula I have a page here on my website which lists some of the doulas I recommend in the Seattle area. For doulas beyond Seattle, I recommend checking out DoulaMatch which will give you the names of doulas in your area who are available for your due date.  Today I want to talk about body changes. Your baby has been growing pretty rapidly and you are probably feeling the skin across your belly and sides stretching along with it. You may also be starting to notice stretch marks along with that feeling. This week, we'll delve into understanding stretch marks and explore gentle ways to manage them. What Are Stretch Marks Stretch marks, or striae gravidarum, are a form of scarring on the skin. They typically occur during rapid growth or stretching of the middle layer of the skin, and can happen on the abdomen, breasts, hips and thighs. Embracing your Growing Body Stretch marks are a testament to your body's incredible ability to grow and nurture your baby. They're a badge of honor so please don't feel embarrassed by them. You're growing a whole human in there. Talk about superpowers! There are some things you can do to help support your skin as it stretches:
Overall though, remember to celebrate the strength and resilience of your body as it moves through all of the changes towards parenthood. Stretch marks are merely an outward sign of this strength. Wear them with pride.  Somewhere between 18 and 22 weeks, you'll likely be getting your much anticipated anatomy ultrasound. This is a big milestone for a lot of pregnant people as you'll get to take a really in-depth look at your baby.
Here's what to expect: The ultrasound itself will take about an hour; maybe longer if your baby is in a position that makes it difficult for the ultrasound tech to get the right pictures. You'll be asked to drink a lot of water before the appointment so that your bladder is full. That makes it easier for the ultrasound tech to see your baby well. They'll let you empty it about halfway through. The tech will be taking a ton of measurements of different parts of your baby's body as well as looking in depth at their brain, heart, lungs, kidneys and bladder to make sure everything is developing as it should. They'll be looking for any birth differences such as spina bifida, cleft palate or down syndrome which may all be able to be seen by an in depth ultrasound. They'll also be able to tell the baby's sex, so if that's something you don't want to know, be sure to let the ultrasound tech know that before they start. They'll also take a look at the location of your placenta to make sure it's not close to, or covering the cervix, (a condition called placenta previa), and they'll take a look at the amniotic fluid levels to make sure they are where they need to be. It's totally normal to feel anxious about this visit, but if you can, try and enjoy it too. This is your chance to get a good look at your baby so use it to really connect with them and each other. Your ultrasound tech may point out different body parts etc, but won't be able to tell you anything about their findings.You'll get all those results from your doctor. And make sure to ask for a print out of the ultrasound to take home!  Let's discuss an important milestone in your prenatal care, and one that you've likely been thinking of....the glucose tolerance test..
This test is typically scheduled between the 24th and 28th weeks of pregnancy, and it’s designed to check how your body processes sugar, helping to identify gestational diabetes. Why is the glucose test important? Gestational diabetes is a temporary type of diabetes that can develop during pregnancy. While it usually disappears after birth, it does increase your risk of developing type 2 diabetes later in life. Early detection through the glucose tolerance test allows for management of blood sugar levels through diet, exercise, and sometimes medication. What to expect during the test You will be asked to drink a very sweet drink containing 50g of glucose. An hour later, your provider will draw your blood. This will tell them how well effectively your body is managing the glucose. What happens if I don't pass the test? If you fail the first test, it doesn't automatically mean you have gestational diabetes. Instead you will be invited back on another day to do a three hour test. You will consume a 100g glucose drink and then your blood will be tested several times over a three hour period. If you do not pass that test, then you will be diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Should this be the case, ask to be referred to a nutritionist so you can get some education on your diet going forward. A book that many people find helpful is Real Food for Gestational Diabetes by Lily Nichols. Are there alternatives to the glucose drink? Some people don't want to drink the drink provided at the test because they don't want to consume something synthetic or with that much glucose. They may have had it in a previous pregnancy and been nauseated by it. If that's the case for you, talk to your provider about it. Some will let you eat jellybeans instead. (I know, they're not exactly healthy but what sugary thing is?). If that's the case, 29 jellybeans = 50g of glucose drink. Not all providers are on board with this alternative but many are so have a chat with yours about it. Feeling anxious? It’s completely normal to feel a bit anxious about medical tests. Remember, this test is a routine part of ensuring both your health and your baby’s health are monitored closely.  Did you know that when your baby is born, they'll only be able to see about 8 to 12 inches? Beyond that, everything will appear blurry. That's about the same distance as from your breast to your face.
Being able to see only such a short distance is Mother Nature's way of setting your baby up for breastfeeding and bonding success. Your baby will be able to feed at the breast with a clear view of your face without being distracted by what's going on beyond that. Isn't that so cool? As the weeks and months go by after birth, your baby's vision will continue to develop. Initially, they will start distinguishing high-contrast colors, primarily black and white, which are easier for their still-developing eyes to see. Over time, they'll begin to recognize faces and start differentiating more colors and details. By around three months, they should begin to track moving objects with their eyes. Here are a few tips to help stimulate your baby’s visual development once they arrive:
I find it pretty cool that even simple daily interactions can have a profound impact on your baby’s growth. Spending time face-to-face, introducing visually stimulating patterns, and varying their environment are all great ways to support their vision and overall development and you both get to have fun together too!  Are you counting your baby's kicks?
This is something that's important to do starting in the third trimester. Keeping track of baby's usual kicks and movements can help you to recognize if anything changes. Fetal movements that slow down over time can be an early indication that your baby is in distress and should be checked out by your doctor or midwife. The Kick Counts app is an excellent life saving app for doing this easily. Just download it to your phone, settle in with your baby at a time of day when your baby is usually pretty active and wait for them to kick. Every time they kick or do a big movement, tap the button in the app. (Hiccups don't count). When you get to 10 movements the app will ask you to evaluate the strength of the movements and record the time it took to get to ten. You'll repeat it each day and the app will let you know if it's seeing an increase in the time you're taking to get to ten and when to see your provider. It's really normal for babies to make more movements at certain times of day over others so picking a similar time each day can be really helpful. It's also really usual for babies to be more active at night when you're still and aren't walking around rocking them to sleep in utero.  In Seattle the weather is so changeable that people who live here have a saying, “if you don’t like the weather, wait 15 minutes”. In the course of an hour it could go from overcast and gray to pouring rain to blue skies and sunny.
A lot of pregnant people find a similar thing happening with their emotions. One minute they’re happy with not a care in the world, and the next they’re bawling into the couch cushions because of a cute dog in a Super Bowl commercial. This is completely to be expected during the first trimester, but some pregnant people find it continuing and escalating into prenatal anxiety or depression, even with a very much wanted pregnancy. Postpartum depression is talked about a lot, but prenatal depression really isn’t so people don't realize it’s a thing. It’s actually the biggest prenatal complication suffered in pregnancy. if you are feeling anxious or depressed and it lasts two weeks or more, please reach out for help. And if it’s extreme, please don't wait the two weeks. Your OBGYN or midwife should be able to refer you to a perinatal therapist and may also check your thyroid. You can also contact Perinatal Support International who can refer you to therapists and support groups in your area. Prenatal depression is not something to be ashamed of and is absolutely something you should seek help with, in the same way you would for any other pregnancy complication. In my birth classes, I encourage families to download this app and take the test every week throughout your pregnancy and the first few months of your baby’s life. Set a reminder on your phone for the same day every week and take the test. Suggest your partner takes it too. Partners get prenatal and postpartum depression too and are less likely than pregnant people to seek help.  Are you planning a babymoon? Now is a perfect time to take a short trip with your loved one(s) before baby arrives. Whether you're planning a local destination that you can drive to or one further afield, here's my top tips for traveling at this stage of pregnancy.
Check in with your provider Check in with your medical provider and let them know of your plans. They know your unique medical situation and may have advice for you. Plan walk around breaks If you're driving, make sure to plan stops every few hours so you can out of the car and walk around. As you're probably noticing these days, being in any position for "to long" makes your back and legs hurt. You know you'll need to pee anyway! On a plane If you're flying to your destination, make sure to get up and walk the plane aisle every hour or so. You'll also benefit from wearing compression socks to minimize swelling and help prevent blood clots. Make sure to check with your airline when booking to find out what their cutoff date for flying when pregnant is ass this can differ between airlines. What to take Make sure to take with you your medical insurance details in case of emergencies. If traveling abroad, remember to take out travel insurance. Pack your prenatal vitamins and a good pair of comfortable walking shoes. And know that while you're pregnant, you're more susceptible to sunburn, so make sure to pack a strong sunblock if appropriate. Have a great time! |
AuthorEmma is a childbirth educator, prenatal birth and postpartum massage therapist, doula and overall pregnancy and childbirth junkie living and working in Seattle WA. She's British too which is where the tea bit come from. In England, if you want to have a chat with your friend about anything really, someone puts the kettle on for a nice cup of tea. It doesn't matter what the topic is, a nice cup of tea relaxes everyone, makes the conversation flow easier and generally makes everyone feel good. So you're invited to brew a cup of your favorite herbal tea, pull up a chair around Emma's kitchen table and let's have a good chat, (or chinwag as we say in the UK), about birthy stuff. Archives
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